A Collection of Pieces of Me
A collection of poetry and prose that are individually and collectively pieces of me.
Friday, March 25, 2011
No One
Monday, March 14, 2011
The Failure of the Dreamer
I dream at night of what life could be like were I to do all of the things I can do. I dream of many things; great and small. Only, I do not always believe my own dreams because of their fantastic nature. I am the dreamer of dreams but the dreamer must, ultimately, awaken. Should I have the choice, I would not dream such great dreams only to have them snatched away. Instead I would dream of life as I know it and wake to find all of my dreams fulfilled. I no longer want to dream in the clouds while living on the ground. Let me dream of where I am so as not to be teased by all of the possibilities that will remain un-realized. That is to say that I give in to a life of mediocrity. I give in to the dull and boring existence of the dreamless. I give in to the prison of the real.
But... I still dream of a day when I can dream again...
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Who Am I?
I don't think I've ever asked those people closest to me what they think of me beyond the superficial. Never have I gone as in depth as questioning of my personality, strengths, weaknesses, character, values and morals. Perhaps this is because I am afraid that the people that should know me the best do not know me at all; though it is more likely that I believe that these people are aware of the true me as they have realized that I have taken pieces of them and made them my own.
What of others? I have little doubt that most of the people I know, know very little about me. It is common for people to think very differently of me than I do of myself. For some, it is difficult to imagine me as an angry, out of control person, that is hell bent on ripping someone's head off. While others find it extremely difficult to believe that I am the empathic, caring and sensitive person that it takes to be a therapist. Still others find it incomprehensible that I can be both at the same time.
I guess that these significantly different perceptions are truly of my own doing. I learned, long ago, that a person in my position has to change his appearance, style of speech, and behaviors in order to gain an advantage. I have learned that the persona that is needed to survive in Brooklyn will prohibit success in professional environments. I have learned to take an evaluation of my current situation and act accordingly. I'm not sure if this is something that others do, but it seems to be much more pronounced for me. I become different people entirely...
Perhaps this is the genesis of my identity crisis. The feeling that the true me is never adequate for the situation; save for those wonderful moments when I can spend time with those closest to me.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Submission of Will
This concept is not singularly applicable to dogs. Instead, we see this with humans everyday. It is a falsity to believe that every human being on this planet has all of the same opportunities as any other. It is also a falsity to believe that all humans must submit to an unpleasant environment. Even in the most bleak of circumstances we have choices; though some may seem more unpleasant than our original predicament. Like the dog in Seligman's experiment we humans can learn to be helpless and allow others to control our lives. But, like other learned behaviors, we must take it upon ourselves to understand that we are making a choice to fight no longer. We are making a choice to no longer search for opportunities to escape. We are making a choice to lie down and be shocked without so much as a whimper.
Along with the understanding that we have chosen to no longer look for options comes the realization that we had one more option; to keep fighting. To keep scratching, clawing, biting, yelping until things change. We gain the realization that we have the ability to change our circumstances, even in the slightest way. We no longer believe that we are helpless. We begin to complain and yell and scream. We begin to research methods of change. We begin to take action. This is the greatest human strength.